| I now close this up and lay it down to rest... |
[09 Jul 2003|12:26am] |
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Poison the Well - Meeting Again For The First Time |
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Its now time to post my last entry in this journal for its been a year and now to move on to better and greater things.
I have learned a lot from this journal and i must thank God and everyone who supported this journal. I never thought this journal would become what it has become. Its been a complete record of my life in a complete year from its ups and downs to highs and lows points. This is honestly has to be one of the most interesting things i ever took up.
Its completely amazing how things changed in my life from when i first started this journal. It seems like i couldn't of done without it and its only a simple journal.
As I now end this last entry i would like to say that this will still be up and running but will only be used for poems and designs i create.
Add JayXeM to your friends list if you wish to continue on this journey of live with me...
i end this last entry with a qoute from my favorite new song...
"The easy solution to this and everything else is to move on"
Thank you for all your support,
Jay-eM
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| Still searching for your face.... |
[08 Jul 2003|03:26pm] |
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mood |
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calm |
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music |
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Coheed & Cambria |
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c a d o v y: people just need to learn to be stronger.. there's always something better out there then what we dwell in..
Last night had a pretty interesting conversation with Cadovy. It felt like she was back home and we were both at Starbucks talking about life, love, and all the fun stuff... It just seems now i don't speak to many people anymore nor do i leave the house. I have keep my mouth shut most of the day that i think even my throat is like F WORD Jay-eM use me...
Atleast my mind is constantely thinking and can't stop so its not like it can be like use me... The most rescent thing on my mind is these dumb relationship problems of the past. Most things i will now get over and not care about since i know its something small and no need to stress. Yet their is this constant battle of getting rid of thoughts that use to swarm my mind. Some how i need to learn how to train myself to become a stronger person emotionally and grow up.
Besides that i have been pretty cool things are going very well in my life i can't complain. I have everything a child would want. I moving out of Miami, living on my own soon with two other guys, i have a car, i got two computers, i have a bass, i have enough new music to keep my busy for a pretty long time, i have friends that some what care, i becoming close friends with Paula again, and i have a whole new future to start off with unlike many people must stay here and continue in this damm city.
I just want to thank everyone whos been there dude and all those girls that i have met over the years. You all have taught me so much even though i might have totally ignored all your advice don't worry i still remember it.
Hey i know its the summer and a lot of you are stuck at home or get bored some days and seems like everyone is out doing fun stuff don't be afraid to im me or call me up to chill. Right now the only thing that i wouldn't mind is a bestfriend for i have lost all of mine due to my stupity and obsession of her. I got a car, tons of cds to rock out too, interest in talk about life, digital camera, and interesting personality that you probably never seen but oh well. I'm not exactly the normal type of person but its your choice to hang out....
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| The Awakening |
[08 Jul 2003|12:38am] |
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 accomplished |
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music |
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Cursive |
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The Awakening
for these days to come shall be called The Awakening...
Jay-eM
New Beginnings...
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| Today... |
[07 Jul 2003|10:07pm] |
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mood |
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full |
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music |
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From Autumn To Ashes & The Early November |
] |
Well today i went to class and it was pretty chill
these two kids sit next to me and always talk
grr i feel like smacking them but got to keep calm
i just wish the teacher would say something to them
ohh well got to live with bad shyr cause lifes like that
i got home and wrote my old english teacher from La Salle an e-mail
i think it came out pretty nice... so i descided to work today
yup i been working on my portfolio all day long
i organized all my images and poems into a word document
tomorrow will be the last day of this journal and i should have a new username
hopfully Danny will come back from away sometime soon so i can claim my code
i shall post that word document soon on this journal in the next entry...
learned a lot today just re-reading my poems and stuff
kinda laughed at some cause how gay they were but ohh well
i was in love and heartbroken so its what i have to show for it
never knew so many people had such strong feelings about my life
sorry i have engulfed my journal with thoughts of zasha and stuff
in the new journal i probably will keep it to a real real small amount
now i have to go read some play for english class tomorrow...
was thinking today damm its been a year of having this journal
is it conciendence that when i close this journal up i finally got over her
probably not but ohh well... i think i shall make this friends only after tomorrow
the only things that will be public will probably be the poems i have written
and then all the new ones i write put them here and not fill up my new journal with crap that people i sure don't hell want to read about....
Jay-eM
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| It soon shall be my LJs b-day... |
[07 Jul 2003|03:05am] |
I just realized that my LJ's b-day is coming up...
while i was looking at my info i realize Tuesday will be a full year...
Danny i need my LJ code back A.S.A.P
Tuesday i will be creating a new username
i want to have a LJ for a year of my life
not to mention it works our pretty good
that last post kinda is a nice way to finish this journal up...
it will be one of the few post from the Inquire to end its days...
Jay-eM
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| Note to self.... |
[07 Jul 2003|02:44am] |
i'm not what zasha wants in her life... i use to be a long time ago to take her mind off things and take her away from it all i suppose i was a new puzzle for her then. now i over abused the time i would get from her and demand to much. a lot has to do with myself and who i was. yet things changed in her for their is no blame its over and that it. i figured it out finally i won't beable to be with her if i'm the way i am... ohh well it just use to make me sad for she was my happiness but no reason to for she didn't show me the emotions i gave but i insisted to fight it. it took me this long to figure it out.
slowly with time i'm able to figure myself out just as my gift grows stronger of figuring others out. for conversation about life and personalities seem to feed my gift and those conversations with zasha use to fuel my mind. now i must do it myself and figure out these things on my own ohh well... heh at the sametime i want to hear how zasha is i don't for i know we would only fight in the end for we are very different... she got what she wanted out of me and now sits in her bliss of isolation to come out when she choses and only her. i go out and satisfy my need to be with others and yet still want that some sort of relationship that i chose and only i for i change friends like the weeks do...
Jay-eM
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| THANK YOU GOD!!!! |
[07 Jul 2003|01:15am] |
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mood |
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 curious |
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music |
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Angel's Emo Mix |
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My DSL is back up and OMG so so so Happy!!!!
after like two days and a half of being down my life line is back up
not to mention i just set up my multi monitor setup...
damm its so pimp double the screen size with both monitors
i have madd pictures to add to my journal of my new toys
ohh yea i bought some special cable today for my laptop
connects it to any other computer directly w/o a hub
so yea transferred my PS setup to this computer
definately have all my plug-ins and fonts on the laptop now
all i need to do is figure out how to move the mp3s that are a pain
ohh well it feels so nice to be back online and not have AOL
yea well things have been wierd very lately and i don't like it
like Claudia couldn't have said it better in her last entry...
lately i have been listening to lots of new muisc
i must thank Angel for the new cds he made me
it feels so good to be listening to new music and not the old
everyone seems to listen to the same crap and its getting boring
thanks to Angel i got updated on all the new upcoming bands and stuff
word i wish i could goto NY or NJ and jam to all the cool bands up there
atleast its not the AAA, Sugarcult, GC, Trapt, etc... trendy stuff anymore
now i can say i grew a lot in music and not stayed with the same stuff
well time for some more WC3 good way to release stress and kill crap
this might sound like i have said over and over but this time its different
i'm super happy to leave Miami all these things are getting boring
whats there to do goto Sunset place dude thats so like 8th grade
ok see a movie and leave ok but doing those loser laps please
then what else is their to do nothing much besides those gay keggers
noone knows how to throw a party anymore these open houses are so whack
i should get back into the real party scene where real DJs spin and its fun
no stupid immature kids trying to act hard and run a party by fighting
realized at Tiesto with Javi that all the ravers are like huge roiders
and now that i think about the kids in the scene were pretty big that i knew
no one messed with eachother cause it was mutual respect
can't wait to leave this city and party up in Tampa... awsome scene i heard
i got bored like awhile ago and check FTJ on people there everyone seems cool
here all you see are want to be gangsters, commerical rockers, ravers, and preps
we all fit into one category or a little bit of everything and if not your different
and all these different people find it hard to find fun stuff cause not to many of us
shyt all i'm down for is to hang out with someone and just chill where ever
relationships are definately overrated as my LJ friend said but hey wouldn't mind
we all conform in some sort of fasion and hey i wouldn't mind taking the good stuff of it
damm F WORD relationships though yet i know i could make one work with anyone
ohh well life goes on and we must not worry about small menial things like relationships now its time to just have fun and enjoy ourselves and not be dependant on another to be happy for thats an immature life just as a small child needs someone to be there for them to get what they want and to give them the attention that they need
last thought on my mind which is kinda odd but you guys probably the same shyt over and over... but nah i must say this thought was very different from the most recent ones... I actually want to talk to zasha and find out what happened to her after all this time. I'm curious now and its not like i want to hang out with her or see her out but i just want to see how she is been... i guess its impossible to really get rid of love but hey just curious i past by her grandmothers house the other day and saw it for sale very odd... passing by her house on the way home from dropping Paula off i thought of her since i was listening to FSF. I havn't thought of her much since i got over her so i'm sure she doesn't give a shyt at all about me since i'm beginning to forget about her. It would be nice though to speak to her once again before i leave. I'm sure Vicky or someone told her i'm leaving to Tampa and she probably jumped for joy and be like ohh my god thank you horray... lol i can see it now in my head with a smile on her face. ohh well enough of this zasha stuff. I wonder how Vicky is doing also i worry about her and hope she is doing ok -=\ well i unblock some people from my buddy list like Vicky and Zasha but i think Zasha has a new SN probably so i don't im her or something lol... i find it so funny now the whole thing it was all so stuipid and we both acted so immature especially me but ohh well atleast i learned from it a lot...
Jay-eM
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| F WORD DSL!!!! |
[05 Jul 2003|01:57am] |
ok so my DSL has been down since 2am last night and its pissing me off a lot... thank god AOL gave me 2hrs free a month since i stayed with their e-mail and use a TCP/IP connection with them... grr my time is almost up...
I went to go see Tiesto today it was pretty good... a lot better then PVD forsure...
umm someone call me i do nothing all day pretty much
305.298.9609
Tonight be welcome to call i need to get off soon -=(
Jay-eM
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| The Epiphany |
[04 Jul 2003|12:44am] |
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mood |
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devious |
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music |
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Poison the Well - Meeting Again for the First Time |
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The Epiphany
two ways of live seem to dominate the world of love
choice is not yours to pick in this mysterious planet
separated by the cracks of the unconscious
torn apart from each other the two kinds meet still
for none will see these lands only live amongst them
white precious dim lights seem to light one side
also differences reign among them in this parts
some who live the dream of love and are blinded
forever in this state of sleep to continue their dreams
others in the nightmare which came from the wonderland
struggling to continue living in this land for its all they know
yet both share its common ground giving their hearts
placing one on the other species on a pedestal
holding a halo above them like the virgin Mary wears
depending on the other to continue this life in this country
sleeping though all the warnings that shall come from it
for this land is cursed with a spell that one must be aware
the poison of love strikes them all in the dream
still embracing this life of purity and dependency on love
never seeing the wonders of change and movement
rarely one awakens and makes a choice to stay or not
choice not theirs to make and soon turns dream into nightmares
time passes on and some realize that this a pseudo dream
awoken forever in this horrid world of truth and reality
who said the truth was one that was glamorous
living on this side might be one viewed as a dark path
never to become attached to one for they know it ends
strong at will for they must live with themselves alone
never to hold on for they are nomads of this journey of life
flowing with what is given to them and taking which can be
viewed as the cold and frozen hearted they live strong inside
full of their pride for they know they are the few and proud of it
viewing the other species as ones who are weakened by the heart
nothing will effect them putting chains on the others who try
holding back from these unconscious thoughts of love and happiness
for they know those who are tormented create this horrid nightmare
understanding how it works they soon grow immune to the pain
for one must adapt with its surroundings and soon move onto bliss
unplugged from the sleep now i give you the choice
fight it or fall back asleep you child of love for you are
never to see what goes on and as this mind is now awoken
given it the purpose for literature i now give you a choice
never to tell you the story and reveal the names of its purpose Z
alas i have revealed my past and now i let you take the burden
for you must chose i say and go on with your path of love
it hold the true meaning of what the world holds inside of you
taste returns and removed with the slice of the tongue
bringing great pain for i have shown you a small glimpse
this is the last time i tell you for its all going to be told
now i must endure the pain violating the law of this new world
Z was the name of the past and never to be capitalized again
now i see that is all is gone and moved to another community
for the pride now begins to be released and give you the fill name
the name of the epiphany is called time and spelled with the last letter
for now awoken from the sleep and discard this memory to the first world
carry it on now as only a memory, grow and move on to the new place
for you will never see but i shall open your eyes now with both fingers
only two of the same species will go on living and only one species will live
surviving those ideas and thoughts of another place that exist
yet some change in their path and awake to chose the new path
which shall you take now with your mind opened manually
i give you the choice to make with this artificial epiphany
Jay-eM
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| Interesting Quiz |
[03 Jul 2003|11:22am] |
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 contemplative |
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Poison the Well |
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| I am the Charmer Charm is seduction without sex. Charmers are consummate manipulators, masking their cleverness by creating a mood of pleasure and comfort. Their method is simple; they deflect attention from themselves and focus it on their target. They understand your spirit, feel your pain, adapt to your moods. In the presence of a Charmer you feel better about yourself. Learn to cast the Charmer's spell by aiming at people's primary weaknesses: vanity and self-esteem. Symbol: The Mirror. Your spirit holds a mirror up to others. When they see you they see themselves: their values, their tastes, even their flaws. Their lifelong love affair with their own image is comfortable and hypnotic; so feed it. No one ever sees what is behind the mirror. |
What Type of Seducer are You?
created by  polite_society </p>
Thanks Cadovy i must say this quiz is quite interesting... not to mention it seems to have lots of different things that pick out certain things. also the choices vary greatly yet seem to in all our nature but which is stronger in us are the ones we must pick...
Jay-eM
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| Hunger |
[02 Jul 2003|12:12pm] |
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mood |
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 worried |
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music |
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The Good Life - What We Fall For When We're Already Down |
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Hunger
craving what is which the undoing of us
wanting the food which is poison to our soul
continueing to do anything to aquire such taste
for a small taste of it will even satisfy our crave
bloodlusting others for a piece that is substantial
over taking our mind currupting our current items
consuming our own spirt of life in this search
forgetting all those who keep us alive now
swallowing our faith for new life we continue on
contaminate by the few taste of those evil vials
engulfing which was all good inside of us
addicted to this new taste of escape and wonder
becoming dependant on this hunger for life
insanity fill our viens contaminating our heart
allies now struck down at all cost for fulliment
endorphine levels rise taking away the pain
rush of demonic possesion entangles us
searching for more magic vials to be content
what is this new drive for and why has it overtaken souls
alas the symptoms now ever so clear in this virus
awoken inside an epiphany of all that has past
torn away from all that was then and now replaced
cure still not found for this hunger but soon soon
control is the key to consintrate this hunger
never to supress or repress these wants but to channel
consintating these affects of the heart into others
target now aquired and ready to be fired at will
now the eye is insight for a weapon to destroy
taste of red ink has now been felt on the tongue
bad taste in my mouth shall soon be extinguished
Jay-eM
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| Warcraft 3 Owns You All~!!!! |
[01 Jul 2003|11:15pm] |
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mood |
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 lonely |
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music |
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Poison the Well New CD |
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Ok so i goto class and theirs a pop quiz on this story
thanks God i had reread it cause i would of done bad
pretty much their was only like 3 people out of like 10 who did
i totally misanylized it on the quiz but i made it clear that i read it
so yea class finally ended and it was off to Bestbuy
got the PTW cd 1st and yea only $10 truee!!!
then off to find WC3 expantion and bam easy
now for hard stuff i asked about the laptop res
guy was like nope can't go any higher then that grr
monitor cable is just basic standard one for multi thingy
went to look for mouse then and found but grrr didn't have
yea well just grabbed the other one they had so ohh well
i see a CD carrying case and it held like 72 and was $15
so yea i totally need that for the car cause or else crash with spindle
then to find a case for laptop was pretty easy choice
it was a real nice one for like $40 so picked that one and its nice
so i go get in line hand them my card and yea its declinded grrr
it turns out i went over my limit cause i put my colleges books on it
so yea drove home and had to come pick up the cash for it
drive back and finally got all my new toys for today
got home and popped in the PTW cd and jammed for awhile
then it was time to install WC3 and begin the killing
well 11hrs later i'm at the last level of 2nd campaign
so far its pretty bad ass and so is the storyline
only thing is not so many cinemas as the other games
so yea definately skipped lunch and dinner break only
time to study for Psychology test tomorrow
should finsh the game tomorrow hopfully
sorry to Saji,Paula, and Gardo i was playing the game that long
looks like noone cares to call me up or im me cause it was all WC3
i now must call Saji back Paula probably busy, and Gardo sleepin prob
yestarday Gardo called to talk and stuff it was so so sad
i realized its all coming to an end and very quick
Gardo is all that i have left from the orginal group now
i don't really hang out with others nor do they call me to hang
so yea i guess thats why i get obsessed with things now
WC3, Playing Bass, DDR, Writing, etc...
well off to hit the books nite nite
for i long for my rose -=(
Jay-eM
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| My boring moday... |
[30 Jun 2003|10:20pm] |
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mood |
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listless |
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music |
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Streaming the new PTW cd |
] |
So yea i woke up for class and we went in the Civic
rocked out to The Killing Tree nice morning music
class was pretty chill since it was review for the test wed
got out at like 9:30 and then came straight home
didn't take a nap just got on the computer and stuff
i played a lot of WC3 today actually beat it for like 4th time
tomorrow i'm going to Bestbuy to get lots of stuff...
Things need to by tomorrow:
- Warcraft 3 Expanstion
- Poison the Well new CD
- USB Optical Mouse
- Laptop Carrying case
- Longer cable for laptop
- Serial to USB cable if they have
- WC3 Action Figure if they have
Who's a computer nerd me definately...
so yea tomorrow is going to be exciting as hell...
found out some news thats pimp as shyt
Line up for Plea For Peace: 9/26 West Palm Beach
- Dillinger Escape Plan, Poison The Well, Further Seems Forever, Shadows Fall, Eighteen Visions...
So yea thats been my day playing WC3 just waiting till tomorrow...
Grr i need photoshop on this computer so i can resize the pictures i took of the laptop and the new bass i got -=) ohh so pretty they are....
Sigh everyone is either talking to someone or like has a significant other this blows truely it does. What is an lonely emo kid to do when all his friends got other people... i want my Courtney but she not answering me and she hasn't been on in awhile -=(
Jay-eM
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| My two new babies... |
[30 Jun 2003|12:21am] |
Well yestarday was a really cool day getting my bass and all
i was pretty happy just kinda like ehh now i have to learn
i wish i could just know how to play and it be all perfect and stuff
well last night talked to Claudia and totally fell asleep after
woke up and was like ok lets goto the beach and hang there
so we get dressed and headed over there
i drove everfyone in the Civic eckk w/e got to get use to it
was jamming to the killing tree on the way to the beach
well it was a pain driving with them in car but finally got there
i totally didn't know what to expect at all from them
well then Yvette handed me a box like pretty nice size
like a box to hold like a VCR or like DVD player i thought
yet it was kinda heavy and then i goto my dad you know what it is?
he was like yea i just think tehy went a bit overboard with it
i had no idea so i begin to open it and i see a nice big intel sticker on it
yea boy!!! a brand new laptop for college and what!!!
not to mention extremely pimp as hell specs and stuff
a 2.4 ghz Intel 4, 512 Ram, 12x CD-RW/DVD combo, and nice video
definatetly did not expect this but its so fukin amazing i'm so in shock
I'm actually on it right now and setting all the programs i need to add
i got DeadAIM, Kazaa, WC3, Digi Cam software and LJ stuff all set up
all i need now is to transfer all my music, images, pictures, and effects to it
also need to find a photoshop 7 cd from someone cause kazaa sucks
the only bad thing about is that the res won't go higher then like 1000x800
i'm thinking of leaving my tower here since this is so much better then it
and just taking my 19 monitor and setting up the mult-monitor set up
that would be so pimped out heh yea definately that be super sweet
we came up and all i been doing is playing with my laptop i love it
hooked up my amp and stuff for the bass and was playing around with it
i can't wait to get out of here now and just have my own room and stuff
looks like Danny is having fun up there in UF and has nice set up already
i can't wait really till i get to move in and have two guys living with me
one is from new mexico so he is probably one of those mexican guys
the other from clearwater so totally a pothead probably since its all to do there
so yea its going to be madd interesting me the miami guy hahahaha
i miss Cadovy and Danny already its so wierd now that they gone
so now to take more pictures and find photoshop for this so i can post from here
Jay-eM
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| Thursday, Friday, & Saturday |
[29 Jun 2003|10:52am] |
Thursday:
i got out of school from english class and rushed home to get my beauty sleep
i then slept like the whole entire day it was so great just sleeping
woke up and went to Danny's going away thing
hung out with everyone and even attended the last Club Danny
Friday:
went to class and he let us out at 9:30
came home and tried to sleep
was rudly awoke like ever 10min
we were going out to lunch with my sister
i'm going to be an uncle in this like next week and a half
we all just hung out and talked
my sister was so pist cause how good i have it in college
came home and talked online and Michelle immed me
called Patty and then double lined Michelle
they made plans and told me to come
no one else called from the group so went with them
Patty picked me up (thanks mom)
Michelle (my favorite half thing) came with us in the car
met up with Michelle's b/f and Adrian at dolphin
thier was madd tension with Nicky and Adrian
i thought it was funny cause they w/e to me
i had the girls to myselves pretty much
they wanted to see a movie but nah i wasn't in mood
so we went to Johnny Rockets for food
after that we left to go play pool
i use to be a bad ass in pool and hussle people
yea i didn't want to play though and i heard tehy play a lot
well i ended up playing and need to practice to get back to normal
yet i still beat Adrian and Nicky... Adrian is pretty good i must say
Nicky is just the average player who plays a lot it seems
we left that to drop off Michelle and then me after
as we left and said good-bye Adrian was like we need to go play some time
i would start playing again cause pool is something you do a lot in college
but yea i don't want to waste money on that i rather play DDR but ohh well
truely had fun with part of my family dad was just missing
Patty and I talked in Johnny Rockets and yea we found out we going though the same problems with people and things around us.
Saturday:
i woke up and got online and found NatyFace online
she seemed to be kinda sad so i told her to pick me up
i took her out to lunch at Taco Bell since it sounded good
so we talked about lots of things and school and all this stuff
truely it was really nice hanging out with her
on the way home i found out she gets vibes also so curious now
she is like yea i get vibes too and i was like from me since no one does
she was like yea so extremely wondering what she gets from me
she was like eyes tell a lot about a person and whats my answer to that
why do you think i wear my color contacts so much... lol -=)
after lunch she dropped me off and came home for a bit
went to go pick up Paula cause wanted to talk to her
she cut her hair and it look really nice but yea it was wierd
i so just wanted to sit down and tell her a bunch of stuff on my mind
things i never told her and how things have changed so much
i also wanted to apologize for like distanting myself so much
some reason i always do that as Zasha would say you have a new bestfriend every week and she was so right when she said that but ohh well she is the past.
now i have the future to work with and experience to make better choices
we 1st went to Wendy's and it just seemed like people were listening to us
after that we went to Dolphin and just walked around the mall and stuff
Paula bought some stuff at XXI that was real cute and got to see her model it
wow definately place to hang is chick stores at Dolphin cause yea like whoa
they even have a DJ in XXI but yea he sucks but still place to be i thought
madd girls everywhere and like buying cloths for like that same night
my aunt Yvette called that she was doing her stuff and she ready
yup time to go get my bass i was so happy
took Paula home and hung out with her mom awhile
her mom is so awsome with me and like told me to pass by later before i leave
she is going to teach me how to cook the basic stuff and other stuff i need to know
it was really cool talking with her and about school and stuff
so after that rushed to Guitar Center and picked up my lovely new bass
i'm so in love with my new toy its so pretty and shiny
came home and then dropped off my amp and stuff and headed to Dannys
Natalie is there baby sitting D and Andrew while they at UF
Gardo and Palmacci were just hanging out there listening to Dashboard
Gardo started tunning my bass and found out i need to get one so grr
Espi showed up to say hi with Claudia and her two friends
Espi liked the bass but everyone said it was odd cause its left handed
so yea hung out a bit and then left to Bedoya's house since she had surgery
she looked really goot and not in much pain we hung out there till like 12:30
Gardo left early so i had Espi take me to my car so i could stay longer with them
dropped off all the girls and talked to Espi and stuff
came home and Claudia actually called me she was so anxious for me to anaylsis her
yea well from the little i know about Claudia i think i did as much as i could do
she was in shock on how i would tell her things and she be like omg yes how do you do this. W/E its a gift from God and its something i do all the time jsut watch people and try to understand them i guess its everyones nature but some do it more then others...
ohh yea friday night got to talk to Courtney online for awhile made me feel so happy and like in bliss that it was insane but then it ended -=(
Jay-eM
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| Celestial Rose |
[27 Jun 2003|08:02pm] |
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Thursday - The Dream |
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***Court-ing to aCelestial Rose
The rose who came from the heavens
rising love to a new level of belief
God's touch came down on you rose
creating such a delicate exotic beauty
molding together two greatest attributes
physical awe with spiritual personality
Such rarity to survive in conditions now
grown from the heavens and let down
unprotected from this world of hate
for destiny had reason for her release
Given now to one not worthy of her
handing delicately as a new born
carrying it with reason to protect
never to be exposed to those plagued
Hurt from past loves one fearful for her
giving to one what is promised and said
reasons to show it is all true in his name
never to deceive or neglect as others have
His goal to never fail with his rose
to love and nourish his gift with all
making one bloom at all times ahead
never allowing one to doubt loves power
For when the times comes this is how it shall be
distance is the only thorn standing in its way
Jay-eM
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| Departing Immaturity |
[27 Jun 2003|04:55pm] |
Departing Immaturity
life of immature love has passed
the dream is now over once she left
neurotic stage now acknowledged
maturing now must occur inside
journey now must start anew from the beginning
reality now must be faced as we grow distant
new worries have over come those of childhood
ending those and replacing them with true life
must find our own way now to survive
distant from all which was laid for us
our metamorphous must come now
becoming who we make ourselves
released from those who we thought we needed
turning our back on those memories and past
doing what we must do with our paths
time for the must do's and no more want's
Jay-eM
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| Description of Today... |
[26 Jun 2003|03:48am] |
Woke up for class and whoa i went to sleep at like 3:30 the night before so yea... totally was out of it but by the time i got to class i was cool took nice like 10min break since i got there early. Something was wrong though when i woke up i felt like hrrmm sick but not coughing or anything just this like feverish feeling that filled my body and made me weak.
Class was awsome and shall write about it later on. I got out and my stomach was killing me i guess it was cause i didn't eat dinner last night. Luckly on the way home i found a crostant my mom left me in the car in a bag since she had the car in the morning and some leamonade...
Got home and was like yea sleep time cause i felt like crap. So after i took a nice hot shower to see if i feel better but nope. It atleast relaxed me and went to sleep. Gardo called me up if down for the Hulk later and was liek true... So after that got online for like 5min and then back to bed cause the feeling came over again. So fell asleep again and woke up to Patty like goto sunset now we leaving now. So got up and put some cloths on and went to sunset. Damm jamming to Poison the Well and driving is the best feeling with the windows down....
We saw the Hulk... it was pretty good. I cracked myself up during the movie i turned to Patty and was like what you know about me dude i'm the Hulk... I'm adopted what you know about that i turn all big and stuff when i get pist. I was like dude why you think i'm so quite and passive. Not to mention how you think i can see though all you people -=) heh pretty funny.
So yea after movie we hung outside and talked a bunch of crap and started realizing things. Then my mind went off into that zone again. I remember the stuff we talked about but i know i zoned out completely. I just remember i came up with something and it kinda was like what i said last entry. I remember realizing that i am over Zasha now and thanks to Psy class and helping me realize it is immature and nuerotic to still be attached to her and stuff. Yet i figured out who i pretty much and make up of me and finally answered the question of who i am but realized some questions i can't answer. I was like i need to go home write and meditate on how i can fix these flaws and stuff i have. Gardo was like no cause then you change yourself and your nolonger you which i never thought of. Those flaws make who you are but then again i know what he saying but i must change some things to be happy because the way i am now i can't be happy with myself. So yes i must change some things.
Went home and noone was home. It was nice... I thought i had to go pick up my mom but before she called to go pick her up my dad left so it was all good. I was online for a bit and saw everyone was out to Noda's thing or like at Dannys house. Kinda upsets me sometimes when its like yea i'm home and i have the car and can leave to whereever but noone calls me to go there or anything and i get stuck and i hate crashing things like i don't like it. Talked to Espi and he was like totally understand i love that guy i just feel bad sometimes cause people don't really seem to hear him out and he is super cool... i hope he goes to USF for the spring. Everyone is writing about how everyone is leaving and even Espi did and he was like yea i'll miss some and w/e or something to that extent and it just seems like yea we all care for eachother but some people just care for others a lot more then some and it makes me sad. I know i care for the whole group so much and pretty much the same for all of them except like maybe 1 or 2 that get on my nerves sometiems but i still love them just as much as the others.
So yea was home and fell asleep again to be awoken by my mom to see if i want to go eat with them but nah i'll pass i got that serious bad feeling again. Its like my head begins to throb from all the thoughts and things i want to remember from Psy class and overview of my life. Later on i woke up and called Patty up and was like whats up jsut to see how she doing and see if she got home ok. She was like down to crash Noda's for a bit and just say hi and stuff to everyone and then leave. I was like cool atleast i get to go out again and not be stuck at home. So yea i was like i'll call you after i eat when my parents get back and you go take that shower and get all pretty. So yea i went back to sleep to await my parents arrival with my food.
Yes i totally slept though a bunch of phone calls i was awaiting today and missed a bunch of ims that i wish i was awake for. I so dearly miss convos with Courtney for what i would do to talk to her now and her hear voice. So yea i wake up and i look at the time and yea its totally 1am in the morning. Damm what a heat up. So got online and remember shyt i have to read shyt for class tomorrow. So yea i read the stuff i had too and talking to people online...
Tomorrow is Danny's going away thing so i shall be out tomorrow -=)
Jay-eM
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| i figured out what i want in life now... |
[26 Jun 2003|02:08am] |
i want to beable to realize that all the shyt that worries me is all bullshyt... the so called problems i have are not to be worried about and worthless compared to those in the world for i have many great things and live probably most comfortable in the world then more then 99% of the populations. I want all these worries to become crap to me and to realize that the stress i have is not worth time to worry about and to embrace life and be happy. For all these dumb teenage things are not thing to worry but to be happy.
Jay-eM
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